Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 2.008
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: mander3_swish - thank you so much!
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
14. Be careful what you wish for
15. Changes - 1 | 2 | 3
I missed the gold old times.
Normally I’ve never had a problem with getting older; everybody did and I always thought you should enjoy it. Plus I’ve had no reason to complain lately. My catering career has been very successful and my relationship with Drew has been… well… not always easy. Even though he was already out he still had tons of female fans and they still adored him. Some of them also thought they could just, well… turn him around.
And he flirted with them…
“It’s just a fan thing, nothing else. I’ve never slept with fans!” he said after I’d had another moment of jealousy.
“Lucky me I wasn’t a fan before I… became a fan.”
Okay, as I said it wasn’t easy, but we had been in a good place. His family – especially his father – had some problems with accepting that Drew was gay and we always got this But you’re such a strong man shit from him, but he tried, he really did, and with that he did a lot more than my father had ever done. Plus Drew’s mother really liked me.
In January we finally decided to move in together, and it was not even my idea. Even though sometimes it seemed that I was the one who practically forced this relationship forward, this time it wasn’t. We were in my room at Debbie’s and we were alone. We weren’t even fucking. I was planning my next catering job and he was watching the last game he had played in, since that’s what his coach asked the team to do.
“We should move in together,” he said out of the blue.
He didn’t even look at me. He was drinking a beer and watching the game when he said again, “We should move in together.”
You know, Drew Boyd is not really a softy. He can be very tender, and yes, sometimes he says some really beautiful things, but he’s not the guy for big professions of love. It was always me who said “I love you” and him who just answered “You too”. But I was able to make him… softer. He had a big heart, and he just seemed to be embarrassed every time he tried to show it. He couldn’t stand to be helpless or weak.
I got up and turned the TV off. He had expected that, since he didn’t say anything, but just looked at me.
“Did you just ask me to move in with you?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Yes, I think I did.”
“This is a really big thing.”
“I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I think it’s about time. Your room is too small and my apartment is… well…”
“Empty?” I raised an eyebrow. It was a great apartment, but he barely had anything personal in it - it looked like a hotel room. “Cold? Unpersonal?”
“Not fitting for you,” he nodded and took my hand in his. See, that’s what I meant, sometimes he’s totally adorable. “I mean it Emmett. We should look for a home. We’re … well, we’re a couple and we should live together. And Debbie and Carl should have their own place.”
The last time I moved in together with my partner it ended in a disaster. There was no chance that Drew would move into such an old house like the one Teddy and I had once purchased. After all, Drew was a very rich guy. He could easily afford a house like the one Brian and Justin lived in.
“You don’t like the idea?” he asked.
I put my hand on his cheek and smiled at him. “I love the idea.”
“Well then, let’s do it.”
So we did it, and we had so much fun. When we were alone he was totally different; he was crazy and wild and sometimes he was childish. We bought a house, a big one. Not as big as the manor that Brian and Justin had, but a big one. We needed a fitness room for Drew and big kitchen for me, and I was allowed to make the house a home and so I felt like I was home.
The first night we slept there, in our new bed, he fucked me very slowly. That wasn’t how it usually went with us, especially not when it was the first fuck of the day or night. He’s very passionate and so was the sex. But that night he showed a little more tenderness. After we came he just fell on top of me, his head on my neck and he whispered “I love you.”
I didn’t say anything, I just enjoyed the moment. It was perfect.
But then the accident happened. I was with Ted at the diner and Debbie had just told us something about Jenny Rebecca when I got a call from Drew’s coach and everything changed.
Normally I wasn’t that bad in a crisis, I really wasn’t. There was always a way through it. Even with Teddy there was a way and now we’re best friends again and we both don’t want to be anything more or less. Teddy drove me to the hospital when I got the call.
Drew had a broken pelvis and a broken hip and so he had stayed at the hospital for six weeks before they started with the rehab. What annoyed him the most was that he couldn’t play the upcoming season.
It’s not easy to support someone like Drew. When he’s in a bad mood, he’s in a bad mood, and nothing you can say or do can change that. He didn’t make it easy for me. I tried, I really did. The rehab went very well, the broken hip healed very well, and so did the pelvis. He could walk on crutches and he was very ambitious. That was until the doctor told him that he had to take it easy for the next few months and that his motor activity probably would never be as good as before and that he couldn’t be able to play football anymore because of the extent of the injuries.
“You’ll be able to play some sports, of course, and you’ll be able to walk and even run, but your body won’t be able to take the impact and strain of a game like football anymore,” the doctor said.
“I’m a professional football player,” was Drew’s response.
“I know and I’m sorry, but…”
I tried to help him, I knew he loved the game, he was the game. He loved to win, he loved the fans, the attention, anything. He needed it. “Doctor, what would happen if he would play football again?”
“He could cause permanent damage.”
Drew gave me a really hard time. He was depressed, he stopped doing the rehab, he sat in a wheelchair, drank beer, and watched one game after another. No matter what I did or what I said, he just ignored me or yelled at me that I had no idea how he felt and that I should leave him alone.
I was practically crying on Teddy’s shoulder all of the time and even though he or Blake never said anything, I’m sure they were both thankful when I switched over to Justin’s shoulder when he was in town. As always he didn’t stay, he was just there for one night at Babylon and then he left town again, but he only needed 10 minutes to say something that changed everything for me.
“Take care of yourself Em, okay? Don’t let him take you down even more. He has to make up his mind.”
It was almost the same thing Brian once told me when Teddy became a crystal queen. I guess it’s impossible to be in a relationship and in love with someone and not let him take you down, too, when he’s miserable. It had been four weeks so far and things had to change, for both of us. I knew that. He was only 38 years old, too young to give up, and I was just 32 years old, way too young to end up depressed.
I made up my mind that night when I lay in my bed alone (again), while Drew was sleeping on the couch (again) and watched the games over and over again.
The next morning, when I came down, he was sitting in the wheelchair with another bottle of beer and watched another game. I turned off the TV.
“What the fuck?” he said.
“Yes, what the fuck? It’s 8.30 in the morning and you’re drinking beer. When was the last time you showered? When was the last time you shaved and when was the last time you were sober?”
“What is this? Another drama queen moment?”
The problem was it hurt to be strong. It hurt with Teddy and it hurt like hell with Drew. “No this is me, Emmett, your partner, who wants you to cheer up. And don’t you dare to give me another you have no idea how I feel answer, I can’t take it anymore! I have no idea what you’re planning to do with the rest of your life, if sitting in a wheelchair – which you don’t need by the way – and drinking beer and swimming in self-pity is all you need, fine, do it. But you’ll do it without me.”
“Is this your way of breaking up with me? Leave the cripple alone.”
I had to laugh. He was the one calling me a drama queen. That was when I realized it was totally different than it was with Teddy because Teddy was high and he couldn’t control himself anymore, it was like living with a stranger. But Drew was still Drew. He might be a little drunk, but not enough to not be in control of himself. Not yet.
“You’re not a cripple! You’re healthy, you can walk. Just do the rehab and then you can still do sports and you can still have a life! You could try to do something else, you could coach, and you could try to teach! Life’s not over!”
“I’m not a coach, I’m a player. I’m a fighter!”
“Right now you’re nothing!” I yelled back. “Look at you! A few years from now you would’ve been too old to play professional football anyway. What was your plan for that? Stay home, drink beer and become a pathetic idiot?”
I got to him. I was right - I knew I was and so did he. After all he wasn’t stupid, he was just hurt. He was disappointed and that was understandable. I didn’t want to hurt him, I wanted to help him. I leaned in on the armrests of the wheelchair and I could smell the beer and the sweat - it was disgusting.
“You have two choices. Either you get up and make up your mind and we’ll find a way or you don’t. If you don’t, I will be gone by tomorrow noon.”
I started crying. I tried not to, but I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t want this to be the end for us, I didn’t want to loose, and I wanted him to open up. I needed him, I loved him.
“I miss you,” I said. “I want you to start fighting. Please stop giving up. Please…”
He looked down. “Is that it?”
He ignored me, again. That was what he was doing for weeks, and every time it hurt like hell. But I had made my point clear. I just nodded. “Well, whatever you do, take a shower, really, you stink abominably.”
With those words I left him and as soon as I was out the house I started crying like a baby. Thank god the car was right in front of the house so I could hide in there. What would I do if he wasn’t able or willing to change anything? What if he really gave up?
What if that was it?